Again, why meeting a small child brings out so much anxiety I didn’t really understand and it irritated me. Once again the doubts start, if this is how I feel and this is how hard I have to work, is it worth it? Should a relationship be so hard? Who needs this? But I really love him, isn’t he worth it? He is everything you wanted, can’t you try? Over and over again the thoughts took over my brain. But being a romantic and generally being a happy loving person, I jumped in and said yes, “yes I would love to meet your daughter as well.”
I felt a little more at ease at the thought of meeting this little girl, how hard could it be, she was only 5 plus I was hoping her big brother would speak nicely of me and convince her I was fun. About a week or so later the day arrives and it is time to meet the little sister. Because she is an animal lover I thought it would be a ton of fun to go to Woofstock – an enormous outdoor dog festival. If anyone knows anything about dogs, this is the place to go. I decided to meet everyone there. As I started to get ready that day I again felt sick and nauseous and the pit of fear entered my body again. The intensity of these emotions made me again want to hurl. What if she hates me? What if she’s a brat and I hate her? What if her brother forgot about me and didn’t say anything? What if Woofstock sucks and this day is ruined? Do I look good? Who thinks how good they look when they meet a kid….I did, I had every ridiculous thought in my head. I was scared and worried and a little excited and wanted my husband to see that I am amazing and would be great with his kids, after all, they are a package deal. So I sucked it up, put on a great big smile and was beaming from ear to ear when I saw those two kids and my husband. This little boy, with crazy longish hair that barely looked brushed but kind of funky and this little girl with big cheeks, long dark hair, a little wild looking and a puffy skirt are all ready to meet me. Me. Ready to meet me. It was like I was at the most intense and unusual job interview, this was an interview for your life. Oddly enough, I don’t even remember seeing my husband that day, obviously he was there but I couldn’t tell you what he was wearing, every thought was around winning the affection of those kids. The pit and butterflies did not leave me for a very long time. I said hello with a great big smile and introduced myself. The little boy was all smiles and said hello as though he had known me forever, amazing what one evening of laughter can do. His little sister was shy and holding her daddy’s hand, she didn’t say much at first. At this point I was determined to make that connection so I took a deep breath and off we went, the four of us to check out all of the dog action.
Time was flying and we were laughing and having fun. If you have never been to Woofstock this is one event to attend as there are the craziest things that go on there. Who knew there could be so much entertainment from an animal that licks himself. As a side note, I am a total dog lover so this was so exciting for me, I wanted to take all of them home. Anyway, as we were strolling down the street, about an hour had passed at this point, I suddenly feel a little hand grab mine and walked down the street with me. It came out of nowhere. My heart jumped and there it was: connection number two. I made it. I was so happy at that moment I wanted to squeeze everyone. I was never the type of person who cared what people thought of me or who liked me or not, but at that moment I was so excited to be accepted by those two little people. I felt like I could finally breathe again. I still had a bit of anxiety in me but enough of it released that I could be me and it was ok. After all, being me was what they connected to.
I knew at that moment our relationship was now at a new level. I was so happy that day but I knew there was a lot of work ahead of me. Was I ready for this? This is the type of relationship that I knew nothing about. Nobody in my family has ever experienced this step-parent thing. None of my friends knew anything about this. Was I ready to take on an instant family with someone else’s kids. Maybe I’m a loving romantic or maybe I’m friggin crazy, probably a bit of both but at that moment I didn’t care, I wanted it all and I was so in love and happy, I was heading into it full-steam ahead. This is where my story begins…..